xAnemicRoyalty

Low Self Esteem

I was thinking last night.. Why do i have such a low self esteem anyways? I mean, i by no means find myself to be beautiful or gorgeous or anything like that, but i dont think im the most hideous thing out there. I have some okay features..

But then i rememberd those 3 little words that echoed from about 1st grade to 8th, when it surprisingly finally stoped. Those 3 fucking words. Fat. Ugly. Whore.. Whore wasnt introduced til about 6th or 7th grade though.

But common, why do people feel the need to TELL ME im fat? I know im fat. I dress my self every morning. I buy my clothes. I look in the mirror. I weigh myself. I know. I know. You dont have to tell me.

And ugly? Thats an opinion. Get over it.

Whore. This one bothers me more than all the rest. Im and fucking 16. Im a virgin. Ive only kissed 3 fucking people in my life. Dont send nudes to every guy i know. im NOT a whore. Now, would you like to compare that to the long list of people that the people who called me this have hooked up with or fucked? Dont think so.

Im not going to be so insecure forever. I want to be happy. And i want to accept myself for me, not for what others want me to be!!

<3Storm

Update-eth!

Ah, so.. really havnt written anything about whats going on in my life for a while..

Last day of spring break.. Kind of ready to go back to school.. funny huh? xD anyways, went to the city with my friend, Carley, on Wednesday.. came back on friday. Was really fun! We went to an Oklahoma City Thunders game on Wednesday and it was soo fun! And Thursday and Friday we went to the mall. Got a new Falling in Reverse shirt, BVB bracelet, and fake tongue rings on Thursday. Friday we went to an outlet mall. Got some sweats and panties from Aeropostale.. Then went homee.. Did a few other things too. had alot of fun, but was ready to go home.

When i got home, i went to watch a movie with my other friend. Silent House wasnt playing at our theatre yet, so we watched John Carter instead… we walked out after aprox. 20 minutes it was soo fucking boring. xD 

Saturday i went to job interview with walmart.. i totally choked, i was so nervouse. But they said i had to come back monday after school cause the drug testing place was closed.. So, still nervous >.<

dont know what else to say.. 

<3 ~Storm

The Most Dangerous Emotion..

What do you think the most dangerous emotion is?

Fear? Anger? Jealousy? Hostility?

To me, Its love.

There is one single person that i love love love with everything in my soul. I think about him constantly.. I always catch myself wondering if hes wondering about me.. And it scares me so badly knowing this one person has so much fucking control over me. He always leaves me.. Like, we’ve never actually dated, but we definitely been more than ‘friends’. We can have a very good, amazing day with one another that leaves me thinking he’s really in love with me, then the next he will completely ignore me like i never meant anything to him at all.. And ill tear myself up over this. Ive cried so much over him its not even funny.. Sometimes i try to convince myself i should stop wanting him to come back. And i should stop loving him, cause all he does is hurt me. But a part of me cant let that happen. No matter what he does, ill always let him come back.. And ill always love him. He can be so horrible.. But i know he doesnt do it with bad intentions… He has a huge heart and just doesnt want to tell me to leave him alone.. I think he might be loving towards me because of pity.. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces for him. </3 And im scared to death of this. 

All i want is for him to want me. Him to care about it. Him to love me.

But ive come to accept.. Maybe he never will… 

~Storm :,c

Love by Alison Storm

One of the few poems ive written that i actually think is REALLY good! :D 

Love

If your smile could save a soul,
Would you spare one?
Or are you running low?

If your time could save a life
Could you stay and extra minute?
Or have you places to go?

If your voice could southe a cry,
Could you sing real slow?
Or are you feeling low?

If a simple word could ease the pain
Would you say that word today?
Or save it for tomorrow?

<3Storm<3 

endless-insights asked: I saw your post about Upward Bound. I went to UB for the last three summers, and I've never loved something so much in my life. It prepared me so much for college, and I met some of the best people that I've ever known through the program. I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did; I honestly don't know where I would be without it. Also, don't worry too much about communal bathrooms, it's not as bad as it seems. :)

Awesome!  Thanks for the message. Im sure ill love it.. Havnt gotten a letter about weather or not i was accepted yet D: lol. Were are you form?